This might have happened

ix.

this might have happened

and this might not

while you were out

be upstanding

as always

don't be afraid

of the jays

just let us love

you

as always

carefully concealing

the cries

waiting, waiting

laughing with jays

at the very idea

counting crows

this might

have happened

this might

not

while you were

elsewhere

the other shoe

dropped

be upstanding

as always

just

don't be afraid

be of good cheer

I'll start new chemo in two days, something called Gemcitabine. I mean really! Who names these drugs? They even sound heartless and cruel! But I am being self-indulgent and melodramatic and not respecting the superstition of the cancer-ridden - it can't be wise to call the substances that are saving your life, buying you days, "heartless and cruel." Right? I should be sweet-talking them instead. Ah, the brilliance of Gemcitabine...no, I don't think I can pull it off.

I started to write about chemo, there are some things that I would like to share with you, but I think that I waited too late and am too tired. Everything I wrote was sounding brittle and defensive - not really the sound that I'm going for, in general. So, I'll just say good-night, for tonight and catch you tomorrow.